You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
