even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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