Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
