I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
