in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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