Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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