so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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