Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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