Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
