And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
