Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
