Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
