Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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