Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
