I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
