What a fucking waste of an outfit
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
