Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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