We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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