Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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