I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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