He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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