I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
