I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
