I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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