we're blogging at a bar
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
