so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
