Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You need Xanax blowdarts
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
