6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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