dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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