The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
