we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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