take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
