what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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