so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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