So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
