if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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