I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
