If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
