what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
