you didnt know i had herpes?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
