How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
