i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
