I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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