i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
