Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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