I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
