i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
