So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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