So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
