Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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